How to Stop Spoiling Your Child

I read somewhere once that childless people are really good at criticizing others' parenting skills, but once they have children themselves, it's the last time they ever claim to know the best parenting solution. One area in particular people love commenting on is on how spoilt a child is and the way in which parents deal with the brat.

So, this article is both for parents of young children and all the single monkeys out there who will one day be parents.

Taken from MSN : Unspoil Your Child

How do Children get spoilt?
When parents don't teach their kids to accept "No" for an answer. Maybe the kid has been begging for an ice-cream before dinner for 20 minutes. Or maybe you're out shopping and they demand a new Bob-the-Builder toy. You don't want to spoil them, but you know if you don't give them what they want, all hell will break loose and they'll scream their guts out.

How does this spiral downward?
You start seeing the benefits of giving the child what he wants (no screaming + the ability to shop in peace / have your own dinner in peace) and your child starts seeing the benefits of throwing a fit.

This could slowly lead to disaster, where your child figures out that the easiest thing to do to get what he wants is to throw a fit (Personally, I would just whack the child. Give him a real reason to cry! But then, I don't have any children, so I'm entitled to obnoxiously claim to know the best solution :p)

Long-term implications
Your child doesn't learn to accept "No" for an answer and by extension, will not learn to deal with small or large disappointments now, and in later life.

It's not too far a stretch to see how a child who is given every new video game the day it comes out can develop into an adult who gets frustrated when he isn't given the corner office on his first day of work, notes Steven Friedfeld, a family therapist in New York City.

How to overcome this

Step 1: Acknowledge where the problem starts
One mother says that she grew up in a large family and wore lots of hand-me-downs, so to compensate, she now always buys her own daughters the most fashionable and expensive clothes for school. She realizes that it's more her issue than her daughters'.

Ask yourself a series of questions: Are you tired, overstressed, and trying to find a quick-fix solution? Are you feeling guilty for not spending enough time with your kids? Are you getting more of a kick out of this gift than your child is? Once you figure out what's driving your tendency to spoil your kids, you'll be better able to kick the habit.

Step 2: Set rules and consequences
Let's say you recognize a pattern: Your daughter refuses to sit still at the dinner table unless she is promised her favorite dessert. The next step is to come up with a rule and a realistic consequence — such as taking away TV or computer privileges — for her behavior, keeping in mind your child's age and tolerance level.

And make sure your partner's on board with the new plan; kids are experts at playing one parent off the other. Then, sit down and explain the rules to your child: "In our house, we get ice cream on Friday night if we have behaved at dinner all week. If there is whining for candy during dinner, you will lose the ice cream privilege."

Step 3: Don't justify your decisions
Instead of trying to reason your child into obeying you, simply say, "No, and that's the end of the discussion." If she comes back at you with, "Why?" remind her, "In our house, that is the rule."

And as your child repeats her "But why?" refrain over and over, keep this statistic in mind: A survey by the Center for a New American Dream found that kids will ask for something an average of nine times before the parents cave. So stay strong and repeat your simple "no" on the ninth, tenth, and eleventh entreaty. Eventually, your child will realize that her attempts are futile, and she'll move on.

Step 4: Resist peer pressure
When all their other tactics fail, children will resort to "But all the other kids have one!" There's no magical response to this, but you can talk to your child to find the root of the problem. Maybe it's a toy that everyone in school has, or a book everyone's talking about.

Tell your child that you'll consider if it's something you think he should have. If it is, add it to his wish list and come up with a strategy for how he can earn it e.g. calculating how much allowance he'll need to buy it (maybe he can save for half and you can pay for the rest) or as a reward for good grades.

Step 5: Brace yourself for the meltdowns
The first few times you stick to a new rule and say no, it will be painful — for you, your child, and everyone else within hearing distance. "There will be meltdowns at first, so react to them in a very calm and neutral way. If you hold to that line every day, your child will learn that this is not the way to get something that he wants, and he will eventually stop.

Step 6: Share the thrill of anticipation.
Anticipation builds excitement. Let's say you're planning for a holiday: The planning, packing, and talking about it gets you all fired up about the trip, so when you get there, your joy is magnified. When kids get things they want right away, nothing excites them anymore.

One of the best way to teach anticipation to children: give your child an allowance and let him save it toward the item he covets. Wish lists are also a powerful tool. Small children can draw or cut and paste pictures of toys they want; older children can make wish lists online. Limit the list. For example, only allow 10 items on the list at any one time. If your child wants to add an item, one item must be crossed off the list. This will help your child prioritize what he truly desires and also shows him that an item he couldn't live without in April may be less important in July.

Step 7: Indulge in non-material joys
Snuggle on the couch and read books, say "I love you" or pop a bowl of popcorn and watch a favourite TV show. Have weekly rewards for good behavior too. If your child has followed all the rules, share an ice cream sundae or do each other's nails. Remember, most kids would forgo another stuffed animal in favor of time with you. And that's something money can't buy.

Get Grandma on your team
Your children know that all they have to do is bat their eyes at your mom and that talking Elmo doll is theirs. How to get your parents with the program:

Set Limits
Ask the grandparents to limit the number of Christmas or birthday gifts.

Get Collegiate
Ask your parents to be moderate in their gifts. If they would like to make additional contributions, ask them to consider starting a fund or a trust for your child.

Request the gift of time
Encourage your parents to spend the day with the kids at the botanical garden or baking cookies together, instead of buying them a giant dollhouse or stuffed animal. Remind your parents that your children love them, and not just things they give them.

The Biggest Mistake to make in a Financial Crisis

I know talking about finance is boring as hell, but this is something we all need to know. By "we", I mean everyone who contributes to a retirement fund - EPF (Employees' Provident Fund in Malaysia).

An article from MSN in the USA states that one of the 5 biggest mistakes investors make in a financial crisis is

To halt or reduce retirement contributions

Now, we've been seeing loads of insurance companies advertising that EPF contributions, even with the great interest rate, are not sufficient to ride us into our retirement years. They're right.

Reason:
1. Medical advancements now allow people to live much longer than they used to.
2. Cost of living is escalating.
3. As you get older, your medical bills are going to grow.

So, your 11% EPF contribution + your employers' 12% contribution is good, but not enough.

During a financial crisis, you may think it's a great idea to reduce your EPF contribution so that you have more money to spend NOW.

But the fact is, if you're earning RM2,000 monthly and your EPF is reduced to 8%, you only get an additional RM60 in the bank. If you earn RM6,000, you will only get an additional RM180 in the bank.

Let's assume your salary is in the RM3,000 range and that you reduce your EPF contribution to 8%. To quote a nice round figure, can someone please tell me what you can buy with an additional RM100?

That's right. Jack-shit.

**Updated 19 Nov** thanks to Jerry Soon
Reducing your EPF contribution to 8% has the additional effect of increasing your Taxable Income. Calculation example:

Monthly salary = RM4,000

If EPF is 11%, taxable income = RM3,560.
Tax payable = RM77

If EPF is 8%, taxable income = RM3,680
Tax payable = RM109


Read the MSN article on Investors' 5 Biggest Mistakes
Read the New Straits Times article on the reduction of your EPF contribution

Who I Remembered on All Souls' Day

Last Sunday, 2nd Nov, was All Souls' Day in the Catholic Church. This is the day when we remember the deceased and mass is offered for them. I know a few people who have passed on, and these are my favourite memories of them.

Granny
Sadly, the clearest memory I have of Granny is of her on her deathbed at home. It was the first time I watched someone die before my eyes. I even remember the time and what the clock looked like. It was 12.20a.m, and the clock I checked when she passed away is the one which hangs in my home now.

On a happier note, my favourite memory of Granny is one of her sitting in her rattan, cushioned armchair at home, drawing a really beautiful picture of a parrot with a long, colourful tail. I wish I had that picture to remind me of my Granny's laugh. But never mind, I have her Malayalam Bible, which reminds me of her getting her chair out and placing it in the garden every evening so she could get some fresh air while praying :)

Grandpa
Grandpa was in the army and served in Congo. Unsurprisingly, he was extremely strict and everyone was scared shitless of him. I remember being caned by Grandpa when I was a kid, although I cleverly used my aunt's blanket as a shield, so it didn't hurt :D

Grandpa's bedroom balcony overlooked the front yard, so you could see it when you stood outside the house. My favourite memory is one of Grandpa standing at the balcony, throwing sour plum sweets down to the garden below. I remember the wrapping of those sweets - white with dark pink corners, and there was a picture of two cherries in the middle. (Don't ask me why there were pictures of cherries on a Sour Plum candy!) I'll bet Grandpa felt like Santa Claus as he watched us dive for the sweets!

Grandad
Grandad spoilt Fiona and I rotten. When he moved in with us, he used to take a walk to his friend's newspaper shop every morning. Then, when Fiona and I came back from school in the afternoon, there'd be one Cornetto ice cream for each of us in the freezer. Every single day.

Grandad also used to cane me, although his cane was not the shop-bought one which I could always find and throw away. There was a guava tree in the front yard, and every time a caning was in store, Grandad would go to the tree, chop off a branch and smack me with it.

One particular incident I recall is when Grandad got ready to cane me, I sat down on the setee and put my knees together. Then *thwack* I got one across the thighs, and Grandad left. I glanced at my knees and was so fascinated by the swollen mark caused by the cane that I actually forgot to cry.

Uncle Jerry
Although I don't remember much about my Godpa at all, I can still picture his smile.


Granny, Grandpa, Grandad and Uncle Jerry, I prayed for you last Sunday. See you one day :)

The Speech the World Listened To Last Night

by Barack Obama, President Elect:

"Hello, Chicago.

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.

It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen, by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different, that their voices could be
that difference.

It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled. Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a
collection of red states and blue states.

We are, and always will be, the United States of America. It's the answer that led those who've been told for so long by so many to be cynical and fearful and doubtful about what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope
of a better day.

It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this date in this election at this defining moment change has come to America.

A little bit earlier this evening, I received an extraordinarily gracious call from Sen. McCain.

Sen. McCain fought long and hard in this campaign. And he's fought even longer and harder for the country that he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine. We are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader.

I congratulate him; I congratulate Gov. Palin for all that they've achieved. And I look forward to working with them to renew this nation's promise in the months ahead.

I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart, and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton and rode with on the train home to Delaware, the vice president-elect of the United States, Joe Biden.

And I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last 16 years the rock of our family, the love of my life, the nation's next first lady Michelle Obama.

Sasha and Malia I love you both more than you can imagine. And you have earned the new puppy that's coming with us to the new White House.

And while she's no longer with us, I know my grandmother's watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight. I know that my debt to them is beyond measure.

To my sister Maya, my sister Alma, all my other brothers and sisters, thank you so much for all the support that you've given me. I am grateful to them.
And to my campaign manager, David Plouffe, the unsung hero of this campaign, who built the best -- the best political campaign, I think, in the history of the United States of America.

To my chief strategist David Axelrod who's been a partner with me every step of the way.

To the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you've sacrificed to get it done.

But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to. It belongs to you. It belongs to you.

I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn't start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington. It began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston. It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had
to give $5 and $10 and $20 to the cause.

It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation's apathy who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep.

It drew strength from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on doors of perfect strangers, and from the millions of Americans who volunteered and organized and proved that more than two centuries later a government of the people, by the people, and for the people has not perished from the Earth.

This is your victory.

And I know you didn't do this just to win an election. And I know you didn't do it for me.

You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime -- two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century.

Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us.

There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after the children fall asleep and wonder how they'll make the mortgage or pay their doctors' bills or save enough for their child's college education.

There's new energy to harness, new jobs to be created, new schools to build, and threats to meet, alliances to repair.

The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even in one term. But, America, I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there.

I promise you, we as a people will get there.

There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as president. And we know the government can't solve every problem.

But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And, above all, I will ask you to join in the work of remaking this nation, the only way it's been done in America for 221 years -- block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

What began 21 months ago in the depths of winter cannot end on this autumn night.

This victory alone is not the change we seek. It is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were.

It can't happen without you, without a new spirit of service, a new spirit of sacrifice.

So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism, of responsibility, where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves but each other.

Let us remember that, if this financial crisis taught us anything, it's that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers. In this country, we rise or fall as one nation, as one people. Let's resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long.

Let's remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House, a party founded on the values of self-reliance and individual liberty and national unity.

Those are values that we all share. And while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress.

As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, we are not enemies but friends. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection.

And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn, I may not have won your vote tonight, but I hear your voices. I need your help. And I will be your president, too.

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces, to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of the world, our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand.

To those -- to those who would tear the world down: We will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security: We support you. And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright: Tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity and unyielding hope.

That's the true genius of America: that America can change. Our union can be perfected. What we've already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that's on my mind tonight's about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She's a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing:
Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn't vote for two reasons -- because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in America -- the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can't, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when women's voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs, a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.

When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that "We Shall Overcome." Yes we can.

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination.

And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change.

Yes we can.

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves -- if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment.

This is our time, to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth, that, out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope. And where we are met with cynicism and doubts and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:

Yes, we can.

Thank you. God bless you. And may God bless the United States of America."

Barack Obama shatters American history

47-year-old, first-term Illinois senator Barack Obama is the 44th President of the US of A. Yay Democrats! And what a yummy young man too :D


Thanks to MSNBC, we followed the updates here.